WASHINGTON DC – A new concern recently hit Capital Hill following months of administration linked fires.
“It usually goes like this”, relayed one chain smoking aide. “The media reveals something that President Cotton Candy or one of his Chiclets has done, and we get called in to explain it away. So we douse that fire, but then the Pres contradicts the explanation he told us to explain. Then we have to extinguish the explained explanation. Then it gets so convoluted that we have to spray in all directions just to keep the flames to a manageable level until the next fire hits. The aide then took a long drag. “It’s like a bunch of waves crashing over you man,”he said. “And I’m just waiting for the next set.”
Local Fire and EMS Stations have seen an increase in overtime while trying to fill never ending requests, but they see no end on the horizon. “We used to handle a few new extinguisher orders a week”, said one FD employee. “Now we see aides on a daily basis with trucks to fill with new canisters. Instead of selling brand new extinguishers, we’ve been forced to refill the old canisters to meet the demand.”
The employee was about to show us the refill process, but was interrupted by a semi trailer backing up to the station at high speed. “TWEET STORM!”, yelled an aide as he jumped from the truck. “THERE’S ANOTHER GODDAMNED TWEET STORM COMING IN! WE NEED MORE EXTINGUISHERS! NOW! GO GO GO!”
Many on Capital Hill are hoping for a small break while The President leaves to keep NATO on it’s toes by calling it obsolete, then flipping his position on an hourly basis.
photo credit: Screen grab via YouTube
