CLEVELAND, OH – According to a spokesperson from the Environmental Protection Agency, the recent budget cuts and slimming of the agencies competent personale is a calculated move to entice additional domestic tourism.
Speaking at a press conference and representing the EPA, Luke Conway told the Cleveland press that environmental tourism should be marketed differently in urban centers to entice visitors.
“Most cities in our nation have flowing rivers, but what if yours oozed? What if, instead of a boring old blue hue, we could make it rainbow? Imagine if you will, evening lighting ceremonies? My friends, this is a niche that should be exploited to benefit all Clevelanders!”
Conway then uncovered a board showing a prototype tourism brochure image that depicted a family huddled together, roasting marshmallows over flames licking up from the Cuyahoga River.
Reactions to the proposal were mixed, with some citing health concerns versus the potential economic impact. Conway produced recent statistics of an influx of tourism dollars injected into other urban cores, especially in centers where regulations for nuclear waste dumping had been rescinded which resulted in a steady revival of three eyed fish populations.
City officials are reportedly considering the move, and are currently in talks with municipalities located along the Mississippi River to ascertain the amount of tourism dollars brought in by having a river that glows in the dark.
