Freedom Convoy To Block Russian Tanks
The Freedom Convoy unveils their plan to stop Russia’s invasion of Ukraine using military grade annoyance.
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Trump Calls Impeachment Vote Perfect
In a recent rally, the President called his recent impeachment vote the quickest and most amazing impeachment vote ever.
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Holiday Fruitcake Re-Gifted For One Hundred Consecutive Years
A holiday fruitcake has successfully changed hands every Christmas season for a century. The centennial confectionery’s life started in 1916, when it was originally baked in a small shop in Claxton, Georgia. It was first donated to a family in need who looked at the cake and thought it would[…]
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Hospitals Brace For Massive Holiday Packaging Wounds
Emergency rooms across the nation are prepping to treat the onslaught of potentially life-threatening wounds received from opening holiday related plastic packaging.
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“Congressional Penis Guillotine” Trends As Google’s Top Search
Specialists involved in Search Engine Optimization were shocked as the phrase “congressional penis guillotine” rose from complete obscurity to become the nation’s top search term.
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Trump Paints Birds In Own Little World
President Trump devotes time to create his own little world to inhabit using oil painting zen.
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Paul Ryan tells children with clear conscience, “Sorry kids, I did dick all to fix national debt.”
In a move that was obvious to everyone except your 82-year-old neighbor, Paul Ryan 2017 rebutted Paul Ryan 2011 and gleefully shepherded in a House tax bill that would add $1 trillion to the national deficit over ten years.
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White House Press Sec On Squirrel Army: The Threats Are Real
In an early morning tweetstorm, the President shares what are believed to be unauthenticated videos of an emerging squirrel army. The press secretary reminds us that they should be taken seriously.
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Exclusive: First Pictures of Invisible F-35 That Wins Every Time
The National Quandary has obtained secret, never before seen photos of the USAF’s newest invisible high-tech tool in the fight against terrorism.
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DHS Warns About Undocumented Hand Turkey Influx
Most legislators believe that the DREAMPT Act (Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors of Paper Turkey’s Act) would play a key role in assimilating undocumented hand turkeys.
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