Society Initiates Unprecedented Cleanup Of Toxic Masculinity
In a long overdue maneuver, society has begun the difficult process of cleaning up the cultural construction of manhood.
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EPA To Revive “Burning River” Attraction To Boost Tourism
According to a spokesperson from the Environmental Protection Agency, the recent budget cuts and slimming of the agencies competent personale is a calculated move to entice additional domestic tourism.
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Donald Trump’s Spell Checker Resigns After Five Months
The President’s highly decorated, experienced, and overworked spell checker suddenly resigned last night which leaves a gaping hole in the administration’s ability to stay on message in anything resembling a clear and concise thought.
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Jared Kushner FBI Focus For Russian Back Tunnel
The President’s Secretary of Everything, Jared Kushner, has fallen under closer FBI observation after new developments have uncovered the existence of a secret back tunnel to Russia intended to circumvent U.S. intelligence.
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Monarchy Mint Mayhem
Among other preparations, countries throughout the Commonwealth are planning design changes to their currency in anticipation for a new head of the monarchy. Artists at the Royal Canadian Mint in Canada contemplate a unique problem that may plunge the country into a deep recession or even bankruptcy.
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Dumpster Fire Administration Strains Fire Extinguisher Supply
Aides in Washington are concerned about the increase for the flame repressing technology and whether local EMS stations can meet the demand.
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Senate Members Contract Eye Rolling Blindness During Classified Briefing
An unfortunate turn of events during a classified briefing became visual mayhem as members of the Senate were expecting to be updated by the White House on developments in North Korea.
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