OTTAWA, CANADA – After being freshly booted from the nation’s capital city and in a desperate attempt to do something actually worthwhile, the Freedom Convoy has announced that it will make the drive to Ukraine in an effort to block Russian tanks from advancing on the war-torn country.
TNQ correspondents caught up with the Freedom Convoy leader, Jonny “T-Bone” Leadfoot, to learn more about the plan. Leadfoot explained that about 800 tractor trailers will make the roughly 4,484 mile drive from Ottawa to the Ukraine capital of Kyiv. Once there, they will set up a blockade line and honk their horns constantly to confuse Russian ground forces.
“They’re old world over there, so I bet they ain’t never seen trucks as big as ours.” explained Leadfoot. “We got us our guns, bibles, and military grade obnoxiousness! And we gonna preach the word to those damn communists that they can’t bother the Ukranites like this!”
After one reporter pointed out that it’s not possible to drive across the Atlantic Ocean, Leadfoot disagreed. “Haven’t you ever seen Ice Road Truckers?” screamed Leadfoot. “WATER. FREEZES. IN. WINTER!”
Whispers went up amongst the entourage covering the event with one reporter overheard as saying, “You know what? Forget it. I kind of want to see how this plays out.”
