OTTAWA, Canada – Elizabeth II, who recently turned 91, has reigned as Queen of the United Kingdom since 1952. To prepare for a new head of the monarchy, the Royal Canadian Mint has been hard at work entertaining new designs for the country’s currency.

We interviewed François Poupon, a head artist of the Mint, who explained a unique problem that arose as they plan for the possibility of rendering King Charles onto modern banknotes.

“Bottom line, his ears are simply too big”, explained Poupon. “In our test prints, if we hold him to proper proportions, it ends up looking like he has a row of maple leaf piercings on one side. That design was considered too edgy in our public polls. Additionally, there’s a cost we must consider. This man’s ears roughly take up an additional eighty percent of the surface area that his head and shoulders cover which means more ink at the presses. Because of the extra ink, just the act of printing these bills will cost taxpayers an additional six million dollars per run! And that’s just for the twenty dollar bills. Don’t even get me started on the coins. It’s entirely possible that this man’s ears could bankrupt the country!”

François added that other Royal Mint employees have tried to broach the sensitive topic with Prince Charles and provide suggestions for work arounds including reduction surgery or creative use of clothespins.

“Obviously, it’s a touchy subject for him”, said Poupon. “There’s no easy way to bring it up. We’re working on him, but most of the time when he catches on to what we’re insinuating, he gets mad at us and flies away.”