In a long overdue maneuver, society has begun the difficult process of cleaning up the cultural construction of manhood.
The noxious ooze, which has been building in strength for hundreds of years, has infected vast swaths of society. Experts have noted the existence of man sludge in Congress, Hollywood, major sports, the music industry, science, literature, education, law enforcement, armed forces, game development, all other professional vocations, and wherever there happens to be breathing males.
The Center for Disease Control has been researching possible remedies to battle the proliferation of masculine mucus. CDC analysts are hoping to combat the funky gunk using a positively charged slime that was first used in the 1989 documentary, Ghostbusters II. Technicians are hoping that positively charged ions within the slime will be effective in removing conditioned expectations of manhood, and replace them with good vibes, deep feelings of love, and understanding. No time frame has been set on the possible remedy, as it is pending FDA approval. Insiders have speculated that the CDC is aiming for a release date of January 20th, 2021.
Until that day, the CDC has been advising the public about what to do should you encounter someone with visible symptoms. Clear and unmistakable indicators of toxic masculinity include the following signs:
- The suppression of emotion
- Homophobia
- The encouragement of violence
- Misogyny
- The perpetuation of rape culture
- The discouragement of seeking help
If you know someone who exhibits these signs, it is recommended that you do not engage the subject. Slowly back away while saying nice nurturing phrases to reinforce the subjects value and worth. Once you are safe from the gropey goo, you are advised to call the toxic masculinity help line at 1-800-626-8327 (1-800-MAN-TEAR).
