WASHINGTON DC – Shortly after the House of Representatives voted to officially impeach President Trump on Abuse of Power and Obstruction of Congress yesterday, Trump held a rally where he called this impeachment vote the best in all of history.
“I don’t know if you heard, but many, many people, a lot of very fine people have been talking about it, “said Trump. “It’s all over the cyber and it’s a wonderful, beautiful thing, probably the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me or any President for that matter. The Democrats in the House, and many people have been saying this, believe me. I was impeached yesterday, and it was the most perfect vote, just the most perfect impeachment vote that’s ever been held, probably the best ever.
The President continued, “Sometimes you have to toot your own horn because nobody else is going to do it. And I said you know what? Nobody has ever been impeached this quickly and honestly, you know this whole, to be honest, I love Space Force. But I was told, Rudy said, such a great, wonderful guy. Rudy comes up to me and he said this I kid you not. He says,” Mr. President. I think you just broke the record for the fastest impeachment.” And I told him that that just goes to show. I said this to him, I said that we love winners. We love winners. Winners are winners. And that just goes to show, that if you get good ratings, you can do anything.”
When asked by a press representative about how he would fight an impeachment accusation, the President said, “You know my whole life has been heat. I like the heat in a certain way. I think my positions are going to be what the people in the room come up with. It’s a beautiful thing and the vote was perfect. Perfect! Why would I want to mess with that? I don’t know if it’s popular. I don’t know if it’s unpopular, but it was perfect, believe me! And nobody knows what an impeachment is. We’re all fighting battles, but I love fighting these battles, but frankly, we have the worst laws. The worst. Out of any country really. But China, people were cheering, and we’ve never had this support. This level of support, it’s thriving truly like it has never. We had a tax on dairy products, three hundred and ninety seven percent tariff. Nobody talked about it with Canada and we had some really bad things with Mexico. But frankly, it was perfect. The unions. The Democrats, they try to take credit. By the way, I spoke to my lawyers and they say the same thing. They say the same thing. That’s okay. If somebody wants to break the deal, that’s okay. You always have to have an alternative right and this country the deals we made.”
The President then disallowed further questions, excused the press, and retired to the bathroom to flush his toilet thirteen additional times.
